Believe It Or Not
by shades-of-grey2001
Summary: You wanna know about me? Read, but don't expect to like me, and don't even think of feeling sorry for me.
1. I Guess You Wanna Know My Name

**A/N: This story came to me last night, and I don't know how long it's going to be. Please review!! Otherwise I won't continue it. **

**Warnings: Contains suggesion of rape, drug abuse, alcohol abuse. Very angsty.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Veronica Mars.**

I wasn't always like this. Sure I'm the little sister of Dick Casablancas, Cassidy Casablancas, and now the resident slut of the school. I guess you could call me a goth, but I don't like that term, but then again, I don't like the term slut. Yet I still get called it wherever I go. I used to pretend to be nice and innocent, but that was just a front, and not a very good one. Dick is so confused he doesn't even know what happens to me, all he knows is that I hook up with random guys and do a lot of drugs, and drink my way through school.

I guess I should explain my family a little bit before I jump into my story. Dick Casablancas- high school senior, surfer, and idiot of the family. Big Dick always favoured him over Cassidy and I, but I have no idea why. He's always sleeping around, but unlike me, doesn't get called a slut. He has bleach-blond hair, and if he was a she, he would be called a dumb blond. He is one of the worst offenders, he calls me a slut or a whore, or any other name he can think of on an average of twenty times a day. I'm not the only one in this family who drinks and does drugs, maybe if Dick and I were closer, we would have drinking contests or something, but no. . . apparently it isn't considered cool to hang out with your little sister.

Cassidy is the middle child, and I hate him the most out of everyone. He knew what was happening to me, and he chose to ignore it, he had more than one oppertunity to stop everything, but he didn't, I guess he thought that it wasn't his place. . . we all know how much he searches for big Dick's approval, and how much ass-kissing he does. Cassidy is the smart one out of the three of us, not that I'm dumb or anything, I choose to get poor grades, I don't see the point in kissing my father's ass, he can't do much more to me than he already has.

Big Dick is horrible, sure he is a successful business man, we have the house and money to prove it, but he married a laker girl as his second wife, and even she isn't enough for him, I guess you could say that he needs an output for his anger, and I'm it. No one besides Cassidy knows what he does at night to me. . . that is if I'm there.

The most recent addition to the family is Kendall Casablancas, formerly a laker girl, and now Dick Casablancas' trophy wife. She annoys the crap outta me, but I gotta put up with her. . . we do live in the same house and all. But what gets me the most is that she isn't called a slut, when she so blatantly cheats on my dad. Not that I give a shit about his feelings or anything, but she just annoys me.

I guess you want to know my name huh? Before you do, let me warn you that you will hate me, my life and I'm not going to edit this, because that would shelter whoever is reading this, and if you've actually read this far, you don't deserve to be sheltered. Well here it is. . . . Katelyn Marie Casablancas. You're going to regret reading this.


	2. Believe It Or Not

So Monday started out the same as every other Monday, I woke up with a screaming hangover, and had to wake up a passed out guy sleeping it off on my bed- naked. I think his name was Josh or something. I had sex with him last night, and I didn't regret it. Sure he wasn't that cute, but from what I remember, he was really good in bed.

Last night there was a party in one of the collage dorms, and despite the fact that I'm really unpopular in high school, the collage guys really like me. After he left, I started getting ready. I smoked a joint that I got last night, and drank some vodka straight out of the flask that I carry around, and proceeded to shower and put on makeup. Soon I was downstairs waiting for Dick to give me a ride. It's not that I can't drive, I even have my own car, I just don't like attempting to drive when I'm too fucked up to think straight. Dick knows this, and for him it's leverage to keep me in line.

When he walks downstairs he sees me and says "Nice noises last night Katie... I almost thought it was Kendall."

I just smirked.

"Guess you need me to give you a ride huh? You know they say that drugs and alcohol kill brain cells, and considering that you repeat the whole 'wake and bake' routine every day I'd say that you're losing quite a few brain cells"

"Even if I do this every day till I die, I'll always be smarter than you, Dick."

Dick just walked outside, me following, stumbling slightly, with the combo of the drugs and alcohol, along with my new stiletto heels. But I knew it was the shoes, I'm used to the drugs, and alcohol, I can even usually walk a straight line.

The car ride was quiet, me taking sips- or rather gulps from my flask, and Dick just driving. We both knew that I was fucked up, but neither of us admitted it. Dick finally spoke about five minutes away from school. "Can I have a sip of that?"

I passed him the flask, no questions asked, I didn't need to, I knew that Dick didn't like getting out of the same car as me when we went places, usually there was someone waiting and calling me a slut or something, and he hated it, not that I was being called a slut, but that I was being called a slut when he was there. He poured the vodka down his throat, following it with a piece of my cinnamon gum, both of us knew how to clean up and act proper when we were supposed to.

When we arrived at school, we got out of the car, sure enough his friends were there to greet him. "Dick! Dude, what's up? That was an awesome party on Saturday dude."

I walked through the group, trying to slip through unnoticed, but his friend, Logan had to comment. "Hey Dick, who knew that your sister would actually show up today, I mean it sounded like she was having a good time at home last night."

Of course Logan was at our house last night, he pretty much always was these days, between being friends with Dick and banging Kendall. I did the only thing someone in my position would at that point, I turned around and in an almost sweet voice laced with bitchiness, I spoke "Logan. . . . I almost didn't recognize you, usually when I see you, I see you running from Big Dick, and pulling on your pants, I mean, after all Big Dick would be pretty pissed if he found out that Kendall was banging some teenage boy with a four-incher."

I walked away, managing to not stumble, smiling while his friends laughed at him.

Lunch couldn't come any faster, everything had worn off by that point, so I walked up to Dick and asked for his keys.

"Why? Where are you going?"

"None of your fucking business, but since you're being soo nice, I'm going home for lunch."

Dick handed over the keys after telling me that if I crash his car I'm dead. Like I actually would drive his car back, I figured that if I'm too fucked up, the least I could do is drive my own car.

When I got back to school, I went through classes in a haze, and by the end of the day, it wasn't much better. Dick came up to me and asked for his keys, then seeing the glazed look in my eyes, he asked if I drove his car. I told him that I didn't, but he had to drive us home in my car.

It wasn't the first time that Dick had driven my car, he was the only person besides myself that I allowed to drive my '67 Mercury, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't the last time he would.

The drive home was almost exactly like the one to school, same route, same conversation- none. When we got home neither of us spoke, Dick wasn't really that stupid, well he was- academically, but when it came to people, he was dead-on.

That night, Kendall didn't come home, Cassidy did, but the only time we saw him was when I announced that supper was ready. I may be fucked up, but when I cook supper, I feel like maybe I'm not such a screw-up after all. They both hate tofu, but I'm a vegetarian, and I'm not going to cook meat, but they both like the meal. . . . even if they complain.

When I went to bed at ten, I tried to get a couple of hour's sleep before the inevitable happened.

Sure enough at midnight, when my dad got home, he started nudging me to wake up, as he took off his suit. Luckily I had smoked a lot of pot before I went to bed, I don't remember much.


	3. I Already Knew Who

**A/N: Please review!! Even if you don't like it, please. . . . Then at least I'll know what people think.**

The rest of the week passed like Monday with a few exceptions. Big Dick was out of town again, and I wasn't planning on sticking around the house, not that I did when he was home anyways. Dick and Cassidy were downstairs playing video games when I walked downstairs in full party gear. I looked like a slut, and Dick was sure to tell me that. "Nice outfit Katie, you have seen Pretty Woman right? 'Cause I don't know if you know, but shit like that doesn't happen to the regular hooker."

"Thank-you Dick, for your compliment, you know how I love them." I said sarcastically

Dick continued playing video games while he spoke "I'm having a party tonight. . . . are you gonna be here?"

"Dick, are you that stupid? Do you think I dressed like this for one of your stupid parties? Please, I have way better things to do." And I did, I was going out on a date tonight, well okay, a double date, and I didn't know the guy, it was a setup- but still, that was something I usually didn't do, and now here I was, nervous as hell. . . . with no drugs or alcohol in my blood, and I wasn't sure I could pull off the whole sober thing all night long.

I was wearing a short black skirt, with fishnets and 4 inch stiletto heels, with a bright red shirt that was more laces than solid fabric. My black hair was tied up in a messy 'do, and my makeup was very daring to say the least.

I hated every minute of the date. Fortunately I refused to let them pick me up, and chose to drive to the restaurant. My date, Chris was totally boring, and looked like he was still a virgin. I managed to get out of it within the first half-hour, and made my way home.

By the time I got there, there were a bunch of jocks and cheerleaders dancing, and drinking. Half of them looked like they were freshmen. I hated it, so I left, heading to a friends of mine. I crash there a lot, and they have some awesome weed.

I've done other drugs, but weed isn't the same, when you're coked up, you feel like you can go on forever, but when you smoke weed, you feel ravenous, which is good for me, because the rest of the time I can barely eat anything, I guess I'm too scared of getting fat or something. . . . I don't know.

I used my key to get into Jason's apartment, and just sat down on the couch, he was in his room with a client, so I just waited. I didn't mind.

While I was waiting, I decided to pour myself a drink, so I walked over to the kitchen and poured some black rum straight. It tasted nasty, but it wasn't the taste I was after, it was the effect.

I don't remember anything else, I just remember waking up the next morning next to Jason. We sorta had the whole friends with benefits thing going for us. We both knew that we wouldn't be anything more than that, and we were just fine with it.

I made my way home by eleven, and Dick was still sleeping. Cassidy was awake though, he spoke when I walked in. "You should've told us that you were going to stay out all night."

"Cass, I hate to be the one that gives you a reality check, but when have you ever cared about me, and what I do. . . . and what happens to me."

"You're my sister, of course I care about you."

"Haha, very funny, where's the camera?"

"I'm serious, and you need help."

"Yea, well too bad you didn't think of that all those years ago."

I walked upstairs, and pulled out the flask behind one of the many pillows on her bed. I started my own drinking game, one shot for every time that someone told me they cared about me, then stabbed me in the back. By the end I was wasted when Dick stumbled into my room looking to see if I was there, and if I would help him clean up the house. I got up and started cleaning with him, he knew I was wasted by that point, but he just pretended to not notice.

By three, the entire house was clean, and we were exhausted. Cassidy had gone out somewhere, and I was left with Dick. For once I felt like talking, but that was probably just the E that I'd taken earlier when they weren't looking.

I just started blabbing to Dick, while he sat there looking at me with a stupid look on his face, like he was trying to pretend to concentrate on what I was saying, until I stopped talking, then he spoke "Shit, what're you on? Can I have some?"

"Dick, you don't need anything to act funny. . . . you already are."

"Bitch." he said as he walked away, leaving me in the kitchen by myself.

I suddenly got the urge to eat chocolate, a lot of it. I opened the fridge to see a cake. Half of it was gone when I was heading upstairs for my bathroom.

The chocolate cake was out of me in half the time it took to eat it. I found myself just sitting on my bathroom floor, not moving. Dick came in, saying "Katie-Lynn," in his winiest voice "It's like seven, and Me, Logan and Cass are hungry."

"Dick, you're eighteen, and so is Logan, and I'm sure that between you, him and Cass, you should be able to find the fucking phone book, and order fucking take-out. . . . If Kendall can do it so can you!!!" before I knew it I was yelling, and running downstairs, running into Logan in the process, who had been standing in the living room. "Watch it!" I yelled, running past to my car, which was parked half-hazardously in the driveway, I was only slightly aware of the tears running down my face.

I only remember driving to a club that night, I think it was called thin or something. . . . I can't really remember- I know I say that a lot, but it's true, and since you're still reading this, you must be interested. I woke up the next day in my bedroom, with my clothes still on, I never bothered to ask Dick or anyone how I got there, I already knew- it was Dick.


	4. End It All

Nothing eventful happened for the next month, I went to school only slightly drunk, not totally wasted, and Big Dick was hardly ever home. I just had this feeling that something would happen though, and sure enough, two days before Christmas, Big Dick came home, and began placing presents under the tree that Dick and I had decorated- with the help of our maids.

When I walked down in nothing more than a tank-top and little boxers that I sleep in, Big Dick stood up. "My daughter looks like a slut."

"I thought you liked that, after all, you did marry Kendall."

He was getting angry, I was scared, but I remained calm on the outside. "You whore, you just don't know when to shut the fuck up, do you?"

"Oh, but daddy, don't you like me?" I said sarcastically, in my best little girl impression.

"Shut up and go to your room, I'll be there in a few minutes, I'll deal with you there."

"NO! I'm not going up there."

He slapped me across the face, hard. "I told you to go upstairs, and I meant it."

I did.

I sat in my room while I listened to him as he gave money to Dick and told him to take Cassidy to go see a movie or something. Dick left, Cassidy in tow.

Sure enough, five minutes later, Big Dick was in my room, but this time I didn't want to just be submissive, so I tried to fight back. When he tried to take off my shirt, I punched him, but he was strong, and big, whereas I was tiny, and not so strong. Of course he won, but this time I had bruises, on my face, stomach, legs, even my back, from where he kicked me. But that wasn't enough for him, so he just proceeded like he would've any other night.

Big Dick was long gone by the time Dick and Cassidy were back, Logan too. Dick came into my room to see where he went, but only found me crying under my blankets. Dick decided that maybe he should see what's wrong, maybe that chick that Logan's dating again is wearing off on him, Veronica- I think.

"Katie, what's wrong?" he asked as he tried to pull the blankets off me, but I didn't let him, for two reasons, fist of all, I was naked, and secondly, the bruises were bad, I think I also had a couple of broken ribs too.

"N-nothing, just tired."

"Then why are you crying? And where's dad?"

I couldn't help it anymore, I hated Dad, and even though I knew that Logan was probably standing at the door with Cassidy, I just didn't want to talk about him "Don't ever fucking mention him again!" as I sat up, the blankets falling off, exposing the bruises. As it turns out though, broken ribs really hurt, so I had no choice but to lay back down, while Dick stood up and started pacing.

"Katie, who did this to you? Were you mugged? Did some guy attack you..." Dick kept rambling for a couple of minutes, like an idiot that can't put two and two together. I just layed there, sobbing, not even bothering to pull the blankets over me again, exposing myself to all of them.

Logan finally stepped into the room, I could tell he was shocked, but he managed to remain sort of calm. "Dick, shut up!" then waiting until he did, he spoke again "Dude, you know you're my best friend, but you're really being an idiot right now. Just think of it dude, she doesn't want to talk about your dad, and she's beaten up. . . ." he trailed off.

Dick looked like he would be sick "Katie, is that why he wanted Cass and I to leave?"

"That's why he wanted you to leave, I'm sure it wouldn't matter if Cassidy stayed home, it's not like he would've done anything any ways." I replied bitterly.

Dick looked confused, kinda like he does in class when he's asked a question "Katie, what are you talking about? Cassidy and I love you, even though we're not perfect." He shot a glance towards where Cassidy had been standing, but he was gone, probably to his room, so I was left with Dick and Logan.

I suddenly felt very naked, and even though my room is quite big, kinda claustrophobic. I stood up, ignoring the attempts of Dick and Logan to get me to lay down again, neither of them touched me, in fear of hurting me, and walked to the bathroom, I could feel both of their gazes, Dick's with worry and confusion, Logan's with worry and lust, not necessarily in that order.

I dressed as quickly as one could with broken ribs, and bruises all over, and when I emerged, I walked right past both of them and downstairs, neither of them tried to stop me, I think Dick was having a breakdown, and Logan was trying to help or something. But when I got downstairs, Cassidy stopped me from leaving, he was holding his baseball bat from little league, and when I tried to walk around him, he hit me with it.

The bat connected with my arm, and I cried out for Dick and Logan, but the house was huge, so I didn't expect them to hear me. Cassidy kept hitting me, until I was on the floor again, reminding me of earlier with Big Dick. I kept calling for Logan and Dick, until after what seemed like an eternity, they ran downstairs, and pulled Cassidy off me. I then realized that Cassidy had been yelling something at me, "You bitch! You just had to tell them, you think what happened to you is so terrible? Maybe you should stop being such a little self-centred bitch, and look around, you're not the only one with issues!"

I couldn't stop crying, I really couldn't, part of it was from the physical pain, but most of it was because I realized that I really was fucked up, I didn't serve any purpose on this planet, other than to cause people harm, and I was sick of it. Dick and Logan managed to get me into the emergency room, where they cleaned me up, and I was good to go in a few days, the doctor telling Logan what pills to give me, and when. . . . Dick would've probably screwed up the amount or something.

I pretended to be fine, mainly because both Dick and Logan were watching over me like hawks, I think that after a while though, Logan's girlfriend came and told him that they were over, if all he was going to do was watch me, and neglect her. They told me that they managed to get Big Dick arrested, and I was safe from both him and Cassidy, who was in a psych ward.

After a couple of weeks, I was better, but I was getting sick of all the attention I was getting from Dick and Logan, and my realization about my place in life was bugging me, it was like a dark storm following me everywhere, as opposed to my usual grey cloud. I decided to end it all.


	5. It's Really Happening Now

_I'm sorry. . . _

_Who am I fucking kidding? I'm not sorry for what I'm about to do. Dick, you know I love you, right? I know that it probably seems like I don't right now, but that's the way things are. I'm fucked up, I have been for so long, that it's almost what seems normal- but you and I both know that it's not. Move on Dick, you're not as fucked up, and you can do anything you want._

_Logan, I'm sorry that I tricked you into leaving me alone in the house, but it's better this way. I hope you get back together with Veronica, you two make each other happy. I'm sorry if I lead you on at all, I admit, I have a bit of a crush on you, but I'd just make you miserable. _

_Everyone that made my life a living hell, go fuck yourselves. I hate you, but don't give yourselves all the credit, I was fucked up without you._

_Katelyn Marie Casablancas_

That's the suicide note that I'm leaving on the bathroom counter. I bet you're sorry you read this now, huh. Well, it's your own fucking fault, if you hadn't ignored my warnings, you'd be nice and happy, not thinking of the girl that killed herself. Then again, you might just be sick, and want to read this, so I'll tell you everything.

I convinced Logan to leave me alone, while he went to get dinner, I knew it was going to take him a while, we ordered food from across town.

Ijust found the pills that I was taking in the bathroom cabinet, and took the entire bottle. I found the razors in a drawer in the bathroom, and I now I'm laying down in the bathtub. I'm going to slit my wrists, did you want to know that?

Bye-bye world, it's really happening now. Maybe I'll miss you. . . maybe I'll just be born into a different life next time.


End file.
